the
the
some of the guys
Armpits meet at the Lexden Squash
and Fitness Club
in, surprisingly, Lexden, near Colchester,
a superbly run club full of jolly nice people!
Armpits amount to a group of sad individuals who like to keep fit and go to parties, preferably other people's parties where they don't have to do the clearing up afterwards.
Their guiding light and mentor for the past few years was Graham (alias Captain Armpits), who ceased as trainer at the end of September 1999.
Gill (alias Please Miss) took over and the group sessions changed considerably, with lots of cool girly stuff, aimed at legs, bums and tums and fat people generally. Essex Girl Tracy does the Friday session and Please Miss does Tuesdays.
Please Miss and Kezzer on the
Marathon Challenge in aid of
Kids in Crisis
Then
there are:
(alias Sharon Asplin, intrepid ECS reporter, doing her
duty in inspecting the municipal drains)
Harpic (clean round the bend) and Mazzer
Fireman Sam and Jazzer
Mystic Matthew
Steve (Scary Eyes) and Vanessa
Jane the Six Pack
Wide Awake Bev, Uncle Bob, Chris, Val, Colin
each year, an Armpits award is given:-
Amanda was awarded the first in December 1996, the 'Slacker of the Year' award and because of her consistent slacking and leaving half way through the Supercircuit sessions to wash her hair.
Captain Armpits received the next award for tireless devotion to the group, the text of his certificate worded as follows:
And the Lord said unto Graham...
AND the Lord said unto Graham, 'Why hath thee not got the Armpits group into a state of fitness, as I have commanded thee to do?' And Graham said unto the Lord, 'Verily, most of them are slackers, others skive off at the slightest excuse and some are so overweight, they canst even see their toes - yea, even though I have been driving them for many months.' Let's face it Lord, I am fighting a losing battle with this lot!'
And God said unto Graham, 'Ye hath had long enough. I want them all fit, even after seven weeks and seven days.'
And Graham said, 'Lord, it will be so.'
And it was not so.
And the Lord saith, 'What seemeth to be the trouble this time?' Graham saith unto the Lord, 'That Amanda pulleth faces at me when my back is turned, Lunchbox couldn't work slower if he tried, Brian crasheth the weights and giveth me a headache, Sharon distracteth me when she bounceth around, Dixie turns up late every week, Peter breaks wind mid-session and blameth it on me, Bev never stoppeth talking - and just recently I hath been suffering with a feeling of old age creeping ominously on.' And the Lord grew angry and saith, 'And what about the excellent facilities and equipment that the club provides?'
And Graham rubbed his eyes and wept, saying 'Lord, the room isn't big enough, we need more free weights, the squash players moaneth about the music, fit types just don't use the gym, thou canst encourage them for love no money - and it has just been said unto me that my bar tab is a discontinued line. Lord thou knowst how it is.'
And the Lord, in His wisdom, said, 'Graham, my son, perhaps thou should take a well earned break and get the beers in!'
+++++++++++
this is my all time favourite animated gif! It looks just like Jamie doing knee raises!
Tell me who designed it and I will give it full credit.
In December 1997, Kezzer fought off stiff opposition from Fireman Sam and Pumpkin Pete for the
'Silent but Deadly'
award, so named in memory of extraordinary instances during the year of breaking wind in a confined space, contrary to the rules of decent behaviour.
In December 1998, the award went to
Mr Smoothy,
the Reverend Michael Neville, pastor of Fordham, for having both the smoothest legs (hairless even) and for showing great tolerance with the sometimes profane, nearly always vulgar, utterings of his fellow Supercircuiters.
In December 1999, the award went to
Harpic,
in recognition of his
Year of Disasters
mainly connected with setting fire to his house, superglueing his eyelids and maiming himself on cycling outings.
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